This is not my ceiling
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We talked him into tasing himself.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
