I have demons in me.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
