seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
