my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
