i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
