I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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