You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Randomize
