i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
this boner is exhausting
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
