So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
