I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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