Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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