When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
