google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
