I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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