Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
