well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
