His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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