I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
