Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I touched a dick in church today
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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