I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
