Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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