Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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