Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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