we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
