Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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