My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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