Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
