he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
