girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
