somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
