am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
