i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
