The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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