There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
