I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
