So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
