Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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