This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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