Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
