you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
