I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
