thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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