I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
