and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
