you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
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