dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
