I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
