I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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