I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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