dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I need water and some morals
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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