That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
