she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
