trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
