I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
