you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
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